Firing an employee is one of the most difficult tasks any leader faces. It isn’t just a business decision—it’s a moment that deeply affects both the employee and the employer. Done poorly, it can damage relationships, tarnish a company’s reputation, and leave lasting scars. But when handled with empathy, the process can lead to positive change and maintain dignity for everyone involved. In this post, I’ll explore how firing with empathy is not only a moral imperative but also a smart, strategic decision for fostering a healthy organizational culture.

Empathy: An Intellectual Posture, Not Just an Emotional Response

Empathy is often seen as an emotional reaction to someone’s distress, but in the context of firing, empathy should be understood as an intellectual posture—a deliberate effort to understand the person’s situation. Abbey Research, a prominent thought leader in organizational empathy, emphasizes that empathy in difficult decisions like firing isn’t about feeling sorry for someone. It’s about curiosity: seeking to understand their perspective, emotional state, and the challenges they face. Empathy allows us to navigate difficult decisions thoughtfully, without rushing to judgment or acting on assumptions.

To fire someone empathetically, you must first understand your own culture and the individuals within it. Knowing how your team operates and what values guide your decisions can help you make thoughtful, measured choices when the time comes to have difficult conversations.

Key Steps to Firing with Empathy

When it comes to terminating employment, empathy involves recognizing the emotional complexity of the situation, both for you and for the employee. Here are three key elements to keep in mind:

1. Know Your Culture: Every organization has its own unique culture, which can shift over time—particularly in moments of upheaval like the COVID-19 pandemic. Being aware of these shifts and how they affect your team’s dynamic is crucial. Employees hired during one cultural era might no longer be a fit in another. Knowing your culture helps identify the criteria by which you make hiring and firing decisions.
2. Know Your People: Empathy begins with understanding the individuals you work with. This means knowing their strengths, challenges, and how they fit into the team. By using tools like a strengths assessment or seeking advice from HR professionals, you can better understand whether performance issues stem from misalignment or other factors. Take time to know your people beyond just their job titles or tasks.
3. Communicate Clearly: Empathy also means communicating with clarity. Clear communication fosters trust, reduces confusion, and demonstrates respect. When firing someone, it’s important to clearly explain the reasons for the decision, the steps that led to it, and the options available for support afterward.

Understanding the Emotional Impact of Firing

For most people, work is closely tied to their sense of identity. It shapes how we see ourselves and how others see us. Termination, therefore, can feel like a personal rejection, making the emotional toll particularly heavy.

Having been through the firing process myself—both as someone who has been fired and as a manager—I understand the weight of these decisions. The experience is not only emotionally taxing but can leave people questioning their professional identity and their future. As leaders, we need to be acutely aware of this emotional impact when initiating these tough conversations.

Empathy, in this case, means handling these conversations with dignity. It’s not just about getting through the moment but understanding how the employee might feel afterward, offering them the resources to recover, and ensuring they leave with their self-worth intact.

Firing with Empathy Is a Learned Skill

Empathy isn’t just something we feel—it’s something we practice. Leaders need to develop a “mental posture” of empathy, meaning that instead of assuming how others feel, we inquire. Ask questions, listen actively, and resist the urge to project your own feelings onto others.

For instance, when engaging in disciplinary conversations or terminations, take the time to hear the employee’s side of the story. What were their motivations? Were there obstacles outside of their control? Were their strengths properly aligned with their role? These insights can help guide you toward a decision that feels fair and is delivered with care.

Prioritizing Understanding Over Assumptions

The heart of empathy is understanding. It’s not about projecting emotions onto someone; it’s about engaging with them as an individual with a unique set of circumstances. A common mistake in firing is to reduce an employee to their job performance alone. In reality, they are much more than that—they are a whole person with goals, challenges, and a life outside of work. By viewing them as individuals, rather than just a “role” in the company, we can approach the situation more humanely.

For example, one CEO demonstrated this by personally apologizing to employees he had to let go due to a lost contract. He not only explained the situation but offered to help connect them with recruiters to find their next opportunity. This small act of empathy turned a painful situation into one where employees felt respected and supported.

Building an Empathetic Culture

Empathy doesn’t start and end with individual firings. It’s part of a broader organizational culture that prioritizes understanding, fairness, and transparency. Employees who feel valued as human beings, not just workers, are more likely to engage positively with their work, even when faced with difficult situations.

An empathetic culture promotes open conversations, empowers employees, and builds trust. Before reaching the point of termination, managers should have consistent, honest conversations with their employees about performance, challenges, and opportunities for improvement. By addressing issues early, you create an environment where firing becomes a last resort, not a sudden shock.

The Importance of Communication

Finally, it’s important to emphasize the role of communication. As Dr. Kristen of Abbey Research notes, communication is a form of kindness. When you explain decisions clearly, with compassion and without ambiguity, you show respect for the other person’s dignity. In some cases, this may involve translating critical information into the employee’s preferred language or adapting your policies to meet the diverse needs of your workforce.

Conclusion

Firing someone with empathy is not about avoiding the hard truths, but about delivering those truths in a way that honors the person behind the role. It’s about creating a culture where employees feel seen and respected, even in difficult moments. As leaders, we must view empathy not as a weakness, but as a strength—a tool that allows us to navigate the toughest decisions with integrity and care.